The wall.......................

Its Thursday of week 2................. and I have hit the wall. All my motivation of last month as disappeared like my partner, though at least I know he will be back early March LOL. Same cant be said for my motivation (sigh)

There are so many mental "blocks" at the moment, from the lack of time (being a single parent trying to juggle a demanding job, 2 kids, a farm.... blah blah blah), to the recent hot hot weather (err its too hot to exercise), to just being plain exhausted (thanks insomnia). Yes I know, the excuses list has grown ten fold. Plus its that time of the month. At least the cat understands.

I know that this "mood" is purely hormonal, and by Monday I will be in a better mental place. But its just so frustrating. At least I am not raiding the fridge like I usually do - Michelle made me throw out all my comfort food when I organised my kitchen a few weeks ago, so I may still have a chance to loose weight this week.

New body under construction

Ok have just signed up for another round of the 12 wbt program. So hopefully no new jobs to learn (at work), house reno's are now under control, and financially things are a little easier than round 3 last year. And to also help, this time the other half is doing it with me.

So we are back in warm up season with pre-season starting on the 14th Jan (my 1st day back at work after my 1 weeks annual leave). As we were a little late starting, we have missed the first 3 weeks goals, but better late than never - these are mine.

Week 1 - Make one small change.
This one, I chose to look at my portion control. And to help, I splurrged on a new plate and small bowl. The plate I got out my ceramic paints and divided it up - 1/2 for vegies (or salad), 1/4 for meat, 1/4 for carbs and fats (such as potatos, etc). Note the "fat" bit is not a 1/4 but to allow for such things as lite sour cream on the baked potato sitting in this section.

Week2 - Halve your non water intake.
Now this was tough as I am a mad coffee drinker (and I cant stand water). So I compromised. When in Melbourne the other day I took a detour into T2 - the tea place, and bought myself some red/green & vanilla tea, along with some loose Chia. So effectively I have halved my coffee intake (I dont drink softdrink, and rarely drink juice). I have also started carrying a water bottle around with me at work, and although its only 750mls, I push myself to at least drink this. Its a start - baby steps.

Week 3 - Set yourself an exercise goal
Now this one is tricky as the exercise goal was to do 30km of exercise over the week - and with only 2 days left - well............ like I said tricky. But my partner & I did start the week with a 5km walk so this is a positive thing. Unfortunately the weather (extremely hot) and a heavy workload for both of us at work, has not helped. But I am now on annual leave for 1 week, so the 30km is targetted for next week.

So bring on week 4. Looking forward to it.

101 things to do with an exercise bike

 Ok so I bought myself an exercise bike last week. And I must admit ate fish & chips whilst watching my other half put it together (we wont mention the beer LOL). But its ready to go now ......... only problem is I am not.

5 days later the only job it has done is gather dust. Why??? because I am FULL of excuses. Too tired, too busy, too... (insert pathetic reason)...... My partner just looks at me and shakes his head, my kids see it as an oppertunity for yet another thing they can climb all over.

I bought it as working long hours, going or a walk after work was no longer an option. I bought it because I wanted a way to continue my weight loss. I bought it to improve my cardiovascular function.  But somehow those mind "demons" have yet again entered my head and its almost like at some deep level I am still telling myself "I am not worth it".

Sigh, I can understand why so many people are overweight. Its not the food/exercise thing - its the mind games that are just so hard to overcome.

How do you begin your day???

What is the first thing you say when you wake up in the morning?
Is it a positive statement, or a negative one?

Now dont get me wrong, its really easy to fall into the negative comments (especially when the alarm goes off at 5.45am, and the thought of getting out of a nice warm bed just sends you into a mini depression), but when we start our day in the negative frame of mind, this can set us up to continue this pattern. And really, who wants to be the sour puss at the workplace.

So tomorrow, try something different. Instead of dragging your butt out of bed in a semi comatose state, take 1 minute to think about one good thing that's happening in your life at the moment. It doesnt have to be a huge life changing event, it could be something like the joy that you are feeling because you were organised yesterday and have a arranged fresh fruit & your favourite yoghurt for breakie today.

And while you are in a "thinking" mode, make a promise to yourself to do 1 task today, which will give you a positive "carrot" for tomorrow.

Life is all about choices, and I intend to live like a goddess whilst I am waiting for the rest of my world to catch up to my ideal "me" (aka reaching my goal weight - only another 9 kilos to go).



Stop the world, I want to get off..........

What do we want - MORE TIME - when do we want it - NOW....... should be my mantra at the moment LOL. Because like most people who juggle many different roles in their lives, life is just too busy. Take for example me, I am a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, nurse, clinical teacher, farmer, cook, cleaner, gardener and vegie grower, house renovator, asperger's support group participant, parent commitee school member, and head "fixer" for when anything goes wrong - from running out of milk, to finding extra money for nasty surprises (even when the bank account says no LOL), to working back past the end of my shift to manage a very ill patient.

Notice how I didnt put 12wbt participant in my list of roles?????? Thats because it seems that the "role" of "me" doesnt exsist as there is no time. What I am actually saying is, there is no time for ME. How sad is that.

There are two main reasons why there is no time for me. The first seems to be a lack of organisation (remember the "too much to do" whinge). So its back to the calendar to list everything that has to be done for the next month. Then to stop that sinking feeling of being overwhelmed, just look at tomorrows tasks. These tasks are then divided into group A (those tasks that must be done, eg  employed work commitments), group B ( those tasks that should be done, eg professional reading) and group C tasks (those that could be done, eg vacuum the rug daily). Now have a look at the list and see what can be delegated to others - can the kids / husband etc take care of some tasks in the "B & C" group?? And ask yourself, what would happen if task .....(insert B or C task) was not completed today???

The second problem for me is the need to please. A huge amount of stress is caused by the inability to say NO. And the result is that I end up running other peoples agendas. This leads to getting run down and risk of becoming ill. Worse, you get seriously fed up and frustrated because you have no time for you. This is a major issue for me, but in Elizabeth Wilson's book "Goddess - be the woman you want to be", she suggests that if you cant say no, try saying "I'm not sure, let me get back to you". The breather will give you time to stifen your resolve.

I have come to the realisation that there has to be a mindshift here - that the role of "me" has to be put in the A group and not the D one (eg the group that doesnt exsist). Although putting it into practice seems to be a challenge in my life. The block of "not worthy" seems to run a lot deeper than I first thought, but I am celebrating the fact that I am accepting this fact. Like Dr Phil says, you cannot change what you dont acknowledge.

 

Bless me michelle for I have sinned..........

This week has not been a good week as far as the 12wbt program goals. Bugger all exercise achieved, fast food pigouts and then...... I made cheesecake (and not the Michelle Bridges kind). And I find myself asking the question "Does being overweight really matter??" I mean we have all seen those older women who are really thin, but look at least ten years older with their hollow faces and flat bottoms. Does it really matter if I am a size 14??

I suppose the answer is what I really want.

You see I have this theory - when you turn 40, you have to reset the tape in your head of what your perception of self is. When I was 20, I was thin (size 8 thin), had long blonde hair and had very little responsibilities therefore my spare cash went on fashion, make-up, Clarins products and regular travel. But when you are 40, what worked 20 years ago, doesnt work now. In your head you picture your "happy" self  back then, and think that if only I was........ say size 8 again......... I would be "happy".

But life is no longer carefree, there is no spare cash (and even if there was I wouldnt want to spend money on fatty bombar size clothing), no oppertunity for travel, and the long blonde hair looks out of place on a 40 year old.  Does life really begin at forty???

So I consulted professor Goggle and asked for women who were over forty and still looked great. And these were some that I found. Maybe there is hope for me yet..........


Oh and a shot of Uma Thurman (age 42) to remind us that famous people can look like us as well


So what do I want????? - yeap I want to loose the weight.

Back to the walking and watching what I eat tomorrow.

Mini Milestone Week

Week 4 - I cant believe that its been one whole month since we leapt into the "business" side of the 12wbt program. And I am proud to say I have gone from 78.5kg to 75.3kg during this time. Whilst its not a loss of grand proportions, its still a loss. And I have to admit, when to take into consideration that I have just worked 9 days out of the last 12, I'm feeling pretty good at what I have achieved.

So what milestone's have I achieved??

Well I am eating better, more salad / veg and smaller portions of meat. In fact I have done some wonderful vegetarian meals (gasp - horror) which the family have enjoyed. I am also taking salads to work for lunch and actually liking them. I am eating more fruit and low fat yoghurt and adverage 1 serve of each per day. I have got back into cheese making and am on my 2nd batch of goats cheese feta as we speak. I have also cut down on the wine and beer indulgences, but not cut out completely.
The exercise part - well thats not so great, but I am walking more, and am heading off for a 12km horse-ride tomorrow. Just got to remember to pack a gym bag & throw it in the car for those days after work when I dont have to rush back to pick up the youngest child from school.

Yes there is still alot of things I can improve, like being more organised, drinking more water, and increasing my exercise quota, but today is about celebrating the good. And tonight I am heading for a facial (bliss) as part of my reward.

I have decided that I'm going to be the tortotise, and not a hare in this race. What about you????