101 things to do with an exercise bike

 Ok so I bought myself an exercise bike last week. And I must admit ate fish & chips whilst watching my other half put it together (we wont mention the beer LOL). But its ready to go now ......... only problem is I am not.

5 days later the only job it has done is gather dust. Why??? because I am FULL of excuses. Too tired, too busy, too... (insert pathetic reason)...... My partner just looks at me and shakes his head, my kids see it as an oppertunity for yet another thing they can climb all over.

I bought it as working long hours, going or a walk after work was no longer an option. I bought it because I wanted a way to continue my weight loss. I bought it to improve my cardiovascular function.  But somehow those mind "demons" have yet again entered my head and its almost like at some deep level I am still telling myself "I am not worth it".

Sigh, I can understand why so many people are overweight. Its not the food/exercise thing - its the mind games that are just so hard to overcome.

How do you begin your day???

What is the first thing you say when you wake up in the morning?
Is it a positive statement, or a negative one?

Now dont get me wrong, its really easy to fall into the negative comments (especially when the alarm goes off at 5.45am, and the thought of getting out of a nice warm bed just sends you into a mini depression), but when we start our day in the negative frame of mind, this can set us up to continue this pattern. And really, who wants to be the sour puss at the workplace.

So tomorrow, try something different. Instead of dragging your butt out of bed in a semi comatose state, take 1 minute to think about one good thing that's happening in your life at the moment. It doesnt have to be a huge life changing event, it could be something like the joy that you are feeling because you were organised yesterday and have a arranged fresh fruit & your favourite yoghurt for breakie today.

And while you are in a "thinking" mode, make a promise to yourself to do 1 task today, which will give you a positive "carrot" for tomorrow.

Life is all about choices, and I intend to live like a goddess whilst I am waiting for the rest of my world to catch up to my ideal "me" (aka reaching my goal weight - only another 9 kilos to go).



Stop the world, I want to get off..........

What do we want - MORE TIME - when do we want it - NOW....... should be my mantra at the moment LOL. Because like most people who juggle many different roles in their lives, life is just too busy. Take for example me, I am a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, nurse, clinical teacher, farmer, cook, cleaner, gardener and vegie grower, house renovator, asperger's support group participant, parent commitee school member, and head "fixer" for when anything goes wrong - from running out of milk, to finding extra money for nasty surprises (even when the bank account says no LOL), to working back past the end of my shift to manage a very ill patient.

Notice how I didnt put 12wbt participant in my list of roles?????? Thats because it seems that the "role" of "me" doesnt exsist as there is no time. What I am actually saying is, there is no time for ME. How sad is that.

There are two main reasons why there is no time for me. The first seems to be a lack of organisation (remember the "too much to do" whinge). So its back to the calendar to list everything that has to be done for the next month. Then to stop that sinking feeling of being overwhelmed, just look at tomorrows tasks. These tasks are then divided into group A (those tasks that must be done, eg  employed work commitments), group B ( those tasks that should be done, eg professional reading) and group C tasks (those that could be done, eg vacuum the rug daily). Now have a look at the list and see what can be delegated to others - can the kids / husband etc take care of some tasks in the "B & C" group?? And ask yourself, what would happen if task .....(insert B or C task) was not completed today???

The second problem for me is the need to please. A huge amount of stress is caused by the inability to say NO. And the result is that I end up running other peoples agendas. This leads to getting run down and risk of becoming ill. Worse, you get seriously fed up and frustrated because you have no time for you. This is a major issue for me, but in Elizabeth Wilson's book "Goddess - be the woman you want to be", she suggests that if you cant say no, try saying "I'm not sure, let me get back to you". The breather will give you time to stifen your resolve.

I have come to the realisation that there has to be a mindshift here - that the role of "me" has to be put in the A group and not the D one (eg the group that doesnt exsist). Although putting it into practice seems to be a challenge in my life. The block of "not worthy" seems to run a lot deeper than I first thought, but I am celebrating the fact that I am accepting this fact. Like Dr Phil says, you cannot change what you dont acknowledge.

 

Bless me michelle for I have sinned..........

This week has not been a good week as far as the 12wbt program goals. Bugger all exercise achieved, fast food pigouts and then...... I made cheesecake (and not the Michelle Bridges kind). And I find myself asking the question "Does being overweight really matter??" I mean we have all seen those older women who are really thin, but look at least ten years older with their hollow faces and flat bottoms. Does it really matter if I am a size 14??

I suppose the answer is what I really want.

You see I have this theory - when you turn 40, you have to reset the tape in your head of what your perception of self is. When I was 20, I was thin (size 8 thin), had long blonde hair and had very little responsibilities therefore my spare cash went on fashion, make-up, Clarins products and regular travel. But when you are 40, what worked 20 years ago, doesnt work now. In your head you picture your "happy" self  back then, and think that if only I was........ say size 8 again......... I would be "happy".

But life is no longer carefree, there is no spare cash (and even if there was I wouldnt want to spend money on fatty bombar size clothing), no oppertunity for travel, and the long blonde hair looks out of place on a 40 year old.  Does life really begin at forty???

So I consulted professor Goggle and asked for women who were over forty and still looked great. And these were some that I found. Maybe there is hope for me yet..........


Oh and a shot of Uma Thurman (age 42) to remind us that famous people can look like us as well


So what do I want????? - yeap I want to loose the weight.

Back to the walking and watching what I eat tomorrow.

Mini Milestone Week

Week 4 - I cant believe that its been one whole month since we leapt into the "business" side of the 12wbt program. And I am proud to say I have gone from 78.5kg to 75.3kg during this time. Whilst its not a loss of grand proportions, its still a loss. And I have to admit, when to take into consideration that I have just worked 9 days out of the last 12, I'm feeling pretty good at what I have achieved.

So what milestone's have I achieved??

Well I am eating better, more salad / veg and smaller portions of meat. In fact I have done some wonderful vegetarian meals (gasp - horror) which the family have enjoyed. I am also taking salads to work for lunch and actually liking them. I am eating more fruit and low fat yoghurt and adverage 1 serve of each per day. I have got back into cheese making and am on my 2nd batch of goats cheese feta as we speak. I have also cut down on the wine and beer indulgences, but not cut out completely.
The exercise part - well thats not so great, but I am walking more, and am heading off for a 12km horse-ride tomorrow. Just got to remember to pack a gym bag & throw it in the car for those days after work when I dont have to rush back to pick up the youngest child from school.

Yes there is still alot of things I can improve, like being more organised, drinking more water, and increasing my exercise quota, but today is about celebrating the good. And tonight I am heading for a facial (bliss) as part of my reward.

I have decided that I'm going to be the tortotise, and not a hare in this race. What about you????

How is your health - really????

Hows your health???  Have you ever really thought seriously about this question??? 
Now as a health professional, you would think I would be able to honestly answer these questions, but it appears I am like most people, and haven't really thought about it.......until now.
I had my wake up call the other day. I was teaching a group of 1st year nursing students the fine art of how to take a blood pressure, and of course let them use me as their guinea pig. Cut a long story short, I have high blood pressure. And probably high cholesterol (since I have xanthomas in my eyes). OMG - I am at risk of cardiovascular disease!!!!!! I am 44 years old, and it appears that I am no longer immortal.

You know the small changes such as exercising regularly and watching what you eat,................ sounds easy right!!! So why dont we make sure we book that pap smear, take those multi-vitamins / calcium supplements, throw those ciggies away.... why dont we look after ourselves better???

In my humble experience, we take our good health for granted, and it is only when a person has an adverse event, that we think about making those changes. But prevention is better than cure, and in some instances we do not get a second chance to make those changes.

So today, along with my commitment to the 12wbt program, I pledge to make my health a priority. How about you???

Capital "P" for Procrastination

Its been a busy week, and next week is gearing up to be a mother of one as well. And I find myself with the "so much to do, so little time" scenario. Get up an hour earlier....... am already getting up at 5.45am. Go to bed an hour later.... errgh the brain tends to stop being functional about 8pm, and I am hitting the matteress (to sleep - much to my partner's digust LOL) by 9pm. Be more organised............... yeap that must be it.

 But as you know, its those chores that you really dont want to do (I call them the CBF's) BUT if you dont do them, then things fall apart. Like laundry, food shopping, etc, yeap those annoying things that it ppears I am the only one in this household who can do these things. Delegate ????? I hear you say.......been there, tried that, have the emotional scars in the relationship to prove it.

 

But the other day, I found a copy of Elizabeth Wilson's book "Goddess - be the woman you want to be". She describes a method where you write down a list of your tasks for that morning, then against each item write 10, 20, 30. Start with the task that puts you off the most, then set the timer for 10 minutes. Do that task until the timer goes off then move onto the next one for ten minutes. Once you have completed ten minutes for each task, then go back to the first task and do it for 20 minutes, and so forth.

 

I tried it the other day, and it really works. Even though I didnt get through the 30 minute part of everything, I had a real sense of accomplishment and as you are only doing said task for 10 minutes, it helps overcome resistance. So I felt I could give myself some time off in the afternoon and went for a walk with a fellow 12wbt program friend. And had a wonderful gossip as well. After all isnt this what life's all about???

1st weigh in

 

Today was my first "Wee & Weigh Wednesday" - and the scales have shown a positive result. A loss of 1.3kg since pre-season started.

 

Its been a challenging week; having to incorparate a new job posistion as Clinical Nurse Educator amoungst my regular nursing shifts has meant I have had to increase my hours of paid work to nearly FT. Coupled with family / farm committments, (which now includes bottle feeding a 4 day old kid - the goat kind), trying to change poor dietary habits into better choices, and a partner who is just not helping with basic day to day stuff - well its been tough.

 

The exercise part has not been achieved, but the diet part has. And I am still trying to kick the mint addiction, however I have swapped the mints for mint gum, which is helping control those nasty cravings.

 

But a loss is a loss, and I am inspired by it. Just gotta get through today and tomorrow, then 3 days off to get my life back into some controllable order. And you never know, I might even see the inside of the local gym LOL. 

 

 

 

 

Living with the black dog

Today is not a good day, as the black dog is sitting at my feet. And with him, he has brought his old friends anxiety and self loathing. Maybe its the crappy wet / cold weather, maybe its to do with the arguement with the other half yesterday, or maybe its the fear of starting something new, such as the commencement of the 12 wbt program this coming Monday. Most likely it has ties to the current attempt to break the mint addiction. Who knows. But its ruining my life, his occasional visits. And medication is not my answer.

So I need a distraction list, something to redirect my mind when I have a bad case of the CBF's. And to remind me of the good things in my life.

 

1. Go for a walk
2. Activities with my kids (eg cooking, play at the park, etc)
3. Work with my horse (lunge / ride etc)
4. Read a book
5. Watch a feel good movie
6. Do craft (quilting, sewing, knitting, painting, etc)
7. Give myself a facial
8. Seek out new low fat recipes
9. Write a letter / email a friend
10. Look for inspiring pictures on the internet for home renovation and fashion / new look ideas

 I know that he will get up and leave eventually - just have to ride it out until he finds someone else to visit.

 

My Addiction

Ok this is an honesty post................. I have an addiction. Crown Mints. I eat these in abundance, sometimes up to a packet per day. And I have tried to stop, but the cravings for these little nasties is very strong.There are many reasons why I started to eat these in the beginning, ranging from the mint actually did give temporary relief from heartburn (which is a chronic problem for me that I take medication for twice per day), to the enjoyment factor, to the freshens your breath reason. But its now out of control.

So time for a reality check. Ok, according to the label, per 100g there are 1680 kj (300g for a packet), which consists of carbohydrate 98g, sodium 11mg, fat 0.1g. Thats 401 calories BUT TIMES THAT BY 3 - 1203 CALORIES.

Oh my, no wonder my dietary changes over preseason have done nothing to influence my weight.

Now I mentioned that this is an addiction - a craving that once it enters your mind you can think of nothing else. So its not a case of "hey just dont buy them anymore". And buying a packet & splitting them up into smaller bags, err, done that - didnt work either. And I dont respond well to the' if you eat this you will be punished" theme also.

I know that this is linked to my poor self esteem and my internal tape of "I am not worthy, I am not worth it" which runs in my head. This is a huge thing to break as when you grow up in a family where girls are "worthless" (and no my background is english - not indian or arab), then you have an abusive marriage (which I am now out of - but 10 years on still mentally struggling at times) - hum maybe I need to go back to the shrink LOL.

So fellow readers, any suggestions to tackle this addiction would be appreciated. And maybe you could use this oppertunity to be honest about your own demons. I promise I wont judge.

And for those looking for a kj to calories link, I have posted one below.

http://www.unitconversion.org/energy/kilojoules-to-calories-nutritional-conversion.html


Deborah

Hello OCD - my old friend

I'm not a natural planner, I'm the fly by the seat of my pants kinda girl. But becoming a wife, mother, daughter, aunty, nurse, educator, school councillor, and number one animal feeder around the farm, I have had to sucumb to the dreaded calendar.

Its like asking a crystal ball - "oh spirit, what am I doing on Friday 17th?", which the calendar answers "no you dont have time to meet up with the girls as you are working from 7am till 3.30pm then you are a taxi for your eldest son, then you have to do fund raising for your youngest son's school, then .......... arghhhhhhh

And Michelle wants me to organise AND diarise.....................

I am gonna need a tim tam...........................................



 But as my other half reminds me of the 6 "P" rule (Prior Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance), it is a nessecary torture that I must endure to achive my weight loss and fitness goals.

So I have taken to my calendar like a 3 year old who has been left unattended with brightly coloured texta's.

Yes - I too can wear my underpants on the outside.





Environmental Cleanup

Now in a previous post I stated that I hate housework....... But I lurve a good cull. And when the task of having a kitchen cleanup came up, I immediately thought...... AWESOME. Perfect timing as we are also about to start house renovations. In fact I recently did the pantry not long ago. I rarely have lollies in the house, and as its a 30km round trip to the supermarket I keep a good supply of tinned tomatoes, beans, etc. The vegie patches, although not producing a huge range in winter, are still producing the odd brocoli, turnip and silverbeet, the chooks provide the fresh eggs - and there is home produced lamb in the freezer. And home made goats cheese will be back on the menu in a few weeks when my Sanaan goat finally kids.

Now I am happy to not have sugary cereal in the cupboard (cause I dont eat it anyway), but the problem is I dont live alone. There are three other people living in this house who do like to have nutragrain for breakfast, and one of these is a 6 year old with a very strong will. And when you are trying to get to work for 7am, you dont have time to do the breakfast battles and butt heads to see who is the boss.

When I started this 12wbt, my partner said that he would support me - and now its time to prove it. Now I dont expect him to never have heart attack in a box food, but not here, and not when he is with me. Same with the kids. Yes its going to be a gradual change for them (going cold turkey for a 6 years old with ASD would be bad for my mental health never mind his), but a change it will be. I dont want to look at my kids in a few years time and know that I contributed to their diagnosis of diabeties, heart disease, etc. I dont want them fence sitting in life because they are too unfit to grab it by the goolies and jump in 100%.
But I am a realist and it cant be all Miss goodie two shoes. There is the subject of alcohol (remember nearest pub is a 30km round trip away). Now I have an understanding with Dan Murphy's, and quite frankly going completely dry is like going on a diet - bound to fail. But I dont drink every night and when I do its usually only a glass with dinner. And I have found a lovely low carb champers when you just have to celebrate.

Now just have to find the perfect kitchen "gadget" LOL

The elegance of honesty needs no adornment.



No point in trying to sugar coat things - and as embarrasing as it is, here goes.......................

My Measurements - as of 11th August 2012:

Weight - 78.1kg 

Bust - 107cm

Waist - 94cm

Hip - 106cm

Thigh - 59cm

Arm - 35.5cm 

 I am so disgusted.

Making the boring, mundane bearable



Housework.................... yeap I hate it with passion. Its such a waste of my time, and I am sure I was put on this earth to accomplish more than having a gleaming toilet. And as I am the female in a house full of boys, well even in this age I still find myself fighting the old stereo-types of the woman "keeps" the home (except this didnt happen during my divorce settlement I might add). Sigh.

And to add to the frustration, you do it, and low and behold you have to do it again, and again, and again.

Oh and I know that I am the smartest member of my household as I am the ONLY ONE who can replace a toilet roll when it has finished...........................


But what is the consequences if I choose to ignore it like the rest of my clan. It means having to live in something that resembles the other half's man cave (yuk). It means no clean underwear, no smell of fresh sheets on the bed, and dont even think about that relaxing soak in the bath with the glass of champers. So I do it, begrudgingly, but I do it. Because the not doing it result is worse than the pain and stress of doing it. That's the payoff. And I normally give myself a little treat at the end of it as a sign of a job well done for fighting through the laundry basket and not having a vomit in my mouth.

So if I can fight through my housework aversion, then surely I can make healthy food choices and exercise as part of my everyday routine. Right!!!

Now I am someone who responses well to the carrot on the stick scenario, so having a little treat for when I accomplish weight loss goals seems like a good idea. So here is my list:
Starting weight 78.5kg - goal weight 65kg (difference 13.5kg = 13 treats)

1. Gym/Training equipment (as required for "gear up task")  - 77kg
2. Detox Therapy - 76kg
3. Facial - 75kg
4. Pedicure / Manicure - 74kg
5. Girls night out - 73kg
6. Lymphatic drainage massage - 72kg (Helps with plataeu)
7. Signature perfume -71kg
8. New hair style and make-up lesson- 70kg
9. Weekend away - 69kg
10. Removal of spider veins - 68kg
11. Tan application and waxing - 67kg
12. New wardrobe - 66kg
13. Proffesional Photos - 65kg

Armed..........................and ready????

Ok, I have my flashy new asics runners (must remember to bury that purchase figure from the other half), some wrist weights, and the heart rate monitor has been ordered and is on its way. Not to mention the gym clothes, (and sports bra to keep the ladies from getting sea sick), the water bottle (non plastic type), the diet reciepe books, scales that can tell you your fat %, new songs downloaded onto the IPhone, the arm band thingy for the IPhone........................... huh

Yes I have lost weight - but only from my wallet at the moment. But its an investment - right???

There comes a time in one's life when you have to consider the real cost of not living a healthier lifestyle. Western diets high in animal products and processed foods (read sugar, sugar, sugar....) are killing us. I personally am at a higher risk of Type II diabeties (especially since I had gestational diabeties with both of my pregnancies), cardiovascular disease (those xanthomas in my eyes are a dead give away of a high triglyceride level), and the extra weight aggrevates a chronic back injury which sends me running to the pain killers. You dont want to know the side effects of these.

Not to mention the efect on my mental health - I am 44 years old and I feel like twice that. Well actually the real age tests says I am 49.3 years old, still way too confronting. I just dont have the energy to live my life to the full (yes I know Michelle - an excuse, its going on my list LOL). Then there is my kids, god love um, they are like little sponges, they watch and absorb my bad eating / living habits and I have no doubt that they are heading to make the same poor choices as I do because that's what they have learned - from ME.

So when you think of what it is actually costing me and my family on a physical and emotional level, a few $$ is easy to find.

But I suppose the biggest expense is running power to the shed so I can finally use my treadmil again in my little gym area I have set up. Will write that one off as home reno's.

Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.

Goal setting. Arghhhh - the thought of of "those" lists of "things to do" come back to haunt me. They are a testimony of my failures, my inability to complete set tasks, and a viscous reminder of had I had done said tasks, then how much better my life would be know.

I now hate this types of lists, and so does my anxiety level.

But as confucius states " Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance", and as this is a journey of personal change, it is only fair that knowledge has to be extended (and lack of it acknowledged), and used above my current comfort zone level in order to be successfull.

And to throw in another quote from the musical The King and I (lurve this movie), "If you dont have a dream, if your dont have a dream, how you going to make a dream come true" (or something like that).

So here they are:

1 Month Goals (8.9.2012)

1. To loose 4 kilos of weight (weight target 74.5kg)
2. To be able to run 2km without stopping
    

3 Month Goals (8.11.2012)

1. To run the Ballarat fun run 21.10.2012 - 6km event
2. To lose 12kilos of weight (weight target of 66.5kg)

 

12 Month Goals (8.8.2013)

To get to and maintain goal target weight (65kg)

Excuses, Excuses......

Every vice has its excuse ready. ~Publilius Syrus

Whoa - Pre season has begun for the 12wbt program. And Michelle has asked to list the excuses that I use in order to stau surrounded by my "fat"  And I fear that this is going to be a LONG list........

Ok - the well used favourites:

• I'm too busy
• I'm too tired
• I dont have the energy
• I have to go to work
• I dont have the time
• I dont have the money
• It's too cold/hot/wet

The internal excuses (in my head):

• Why bother
• I'm not good enough
• I am not worth it
• I cant be bothered
• I am too old

And the less common ones"

• I live too far from town to go to the gym
• My son has ASD so I need to focus on him
• I have a chronic back injury
• I dont have a babysitter
• My partner wont support me
• The house is too small to set up a gym

I suppose I live my life surrounded by excuses and reasons why I cant "do"

Anything to avoid having to put effort into positive steps - much easier to stay locked in the " safe" negative.

But there is a change a coming.....................

Reflections

Today my driving licence expired. Its been 10 years since I last had to stand there for "that" photo, which I might add was one of the better ones taken (I am not photogenic). Almost to the point I actually enjoyed handing it over when pulled over by a good looking policeman.... but I digress.

The fact is, the photo was taken 10 years ago, when I was 34 years old. And boy a lot has happen in those ten years. And yes it has aged me, both physically and emotionally.



You see in these 10 past years there are loads of regrets, anger and sadness, but balanced with happiness and new beginnings. There was a betrayal (adultery kind), a vicious property dispute and painful divorce, a breakdown from the threats, fear of having to raise a young child without financial nor emotional support from his biological father, and loss of "so-called" friends. And there was stress from financial pressures, the start of a new relationship (including the dramas courtesy of a feral ex-wife and his 3 kids), trying to forge a new career whilst being the only provider, putting myself through a 3 year Uni degree, the purchases of not one but 2 houses (which the bank helped "f" up the process on both), the complicated birth of my second son, the move to the country, my partners 2 1/2 year period of unemployment......... and an Autism Spectrum Disorder + ADHD diagnosis (youngest child).

But then there was meeting my partner (though he has MANY faults, loves me deeply), my eldest child growing into a beautiful young man (who I am immensely proud of), my youngest child being the most loving, amazing individual you will ever meet, my family and my partner's family who have stood by me throughout the past painful episodes of my life, moving to the country and learning many new tasks and skills (never thought I could milk a goat and make the most sort after cheese but I can), my new friends who have been there for me (unlike my so called "old friends"),  and not only completing the Uni degree with mainly high distinctions, but obtaining a post graduate in emergency nursing as well. I have personally saved lives, and helped others exit this life with dignity and comfort, I make a difference at my youngest son"s school (all 20 pupils LOL) by helping with reading and being the treasurer on the parents committee. And I am learning to ride my own horse
Piglet.

So this on the day of my 44th birthday, I am currently drinking my favourite glass of wine, the roast is in the oven. I look forward to the next 10 years, with all that it brings (hopefully with a lotto win so I can have that talk with a plastic surgeon LOL). And when I reflect back in 10 years time, I look forward to listing "loosing the weight with Michelle's 12 wbt program" as one of the positives.

Deborah.

The gentle art of saying "YES"

This is Piglet, my 6 year old standard bred mare. She represents a number of things, my love of horses and my dream to ride - and my fear of loosing control and of failure (or in this case, falling). She is my challenge, and in many ways, my saviour.

In my last post I spoke about waiting - waiting till I lost the weight, waiting till I had more time, more money (the list of excuses is long and varied). And whilst I was "waiting" aka living in fear, I was missing my life. I have had Piglet for 2 months now, and and only riden her for approximately 10 minutes, and that was in the paddock with my partner leading her. Each day I would go out and feed her, talk to her and tell her how much I loved her - but I didnt honor her by putting my trust in us and what we could do together. I was scared, and overwhelmed with the whole riding process. I told myself that although I am able to ride, and have done so with others at a friends trail riding place, that I was still a beginner and that she was too confronting for me.

Yesterday everything changed. With a friend's help, not only did I ride Piglet, I rode her independantly. Baby steps, didnt leave the paddock, and we didnt canter, but the whole experience was empowering and I cant wait to have another day off work so I can throw the saddle back on. Yes we had a few minor issues - Piglet can be very stubborn LOL, but we worked through them.

Now I know that many of my fellow team-mates are not horse mad, but this experience has given me insight into other areas of my life. For example, running. Now I know Michelle is a real pusher for running, and well I do not see myself as a runner. The excuses (weak ankles, back pain, too old, I will look stupid in front of others.........) are going over in my head, but like the situation with Piglet, its about letting go and trusting. Trusting yourself that you can actually do this, and putting the fear aside that you will fail.

I have no doubt that I will never be an olympic rider, nor will I be an acclaimed runner. But I dont care. Because I will do it for the love of it, for the experience of it, and because I can.

(PS - for those who have noticed Piglet's shabby oversize coat, this has been corrected and she now has a new winter coat that fits her perfectly LOL)

Night feeding (or shall I say night raiding)

Ok I have a confession to make - the possum who raids the left over dog food at our house, is not the only one rummeraging around for snacks during the night. I do it too (but the fridge, not the dog bowl - I'm not that desparate LOL).

And its not because I am hungry, and I know it sets off the heartburn that in turn impacts on my sleep, which surprise, surprise leaves me a grumpy mummy in the morning. I am acutely aware of all the negatives - yet am somehow compelled to still do it.

I once read somewhere that there are 3 things that you need to do in order to loose weight. You need to move more, you need to choose healthy food choices, and what you think (eg the tapes in your head). Now I am an educated, smart woman, I know about the exercise and food bit, but my downfall is the head bit. This is my personal hell. Why do I keep abusing myself like this.

I find myself sayings things like "I will .......(insert good things in life).... WHEN I LOOSE THE WEIGHT". I finally realised that I my life is passing me by while I "wait" till that magical day when all the planets are aligned, that I have the perfect career, the house is renovated,..........and of course am back to being a size 10.

My lightbulb moment came a few days ago. Whilst I am "waiting" to have a life, my kids are growing up. And if I continue to wait, in no time they will have reached adulthood and have moved on, and we will have both missed out.

So fellow team-mates - ask yourself this - what are YOU waiting for???

Deborah

Look with favour upon a bold beginning

Once upon a time there was a girl who had the world at her feet. And a size 8 figure to go along with it. But then as often occurs in the real world, life dished out a few emotional curve-balls, plus along with having two kids, a messy divorce (yes I still hate him), then studying at Uni, juggling shift-work, farm, blah blah blah blah............... you know how it goes.

Fast forward about 20 years, and you guessed it - mother nature has not been kind. So unkind that Nivea is just not enough, and the size 8 figure has now ballooned out to a size 14.


So this is my bog - the start of my war. Its a personal war, one filled with not only physical scars but mental ones as well. All trying (successfully I might add) to keep me wrapped in my protective layer of fat. It wont be pretty but conflict never is, but at the end of it I hope to be the victor. And my prize???

My lost self esteem.

Deborah