1st weigh in

 

Today was my first "Wee & Weigh Wednesday" - and the scales have shown a positive result. A loss of 1.3kg since pre-season started.

 

Its been a challenging week; having to incorparate a new job posistion as Clinical Nurse Educator amoungst my regular nursing shifts has meant I have had to increase my hours of paid work to nearly FT. Coupled with family / farm committments, (which now includes bottle feeding a 4 day old kid - the goat kind), trying to change poor dietary habits into better choices, and a partner who is just not helping with basic day to day stuff - well its been tough.

 

The exercise part has not been achieved, but the diet part has. And I am still trying to kick the mint addiction, however I have swapped the mints for mint gum, which is helping control those nasty cravings.

 

But a loss is a loss, and I am inspired by it. Just gotta get through today and tomorrow, then 3 days off to get my life back into some controllable order. And you never know, I might even see the inside of the local gym LOL. 

 

 

 

 

Living with the black dog

Today is not a good day, as the black dog is sitting at my feet. And with him, he has brought his old friends anxiety and self loathing. Maybe its the crappy wet / cold weather, maybe its to do with the arguement with the other half yesterday, or maybe its the fear of starting something new, such as the commencement of the 12 wbt program this coming Monday. Most likely it has ties to the current attempt to break the mint addiction. Who knows. But its ruining my life, his occasional visits. And medication is not my answer.

So I need a distraction list, something to redirect my mind when I have a bad case of the CBF's. And to remind me of the good things in my life.

 

1. Go for a walk
2. Activities with my kids (eg cooking, play at the park, etc)
3. Work with my horse (lunge / ride etc)
4. Read a book
5. Watch a feel good movie
6. Do craft (quilting, sewing, knitting, painting, etc)
7. Give myself a facial
8. Seek out new low fat recipes
9. Write a letter / email a friend
10. Look for inspiring pictures on the internet for home renovation and fashion / new look ideas

 I know that he will get up and leave eventually - just have to ride it out until he finds someone else to visit.

 

My Addiction

Ok this is an honesty post................. I have an addiction. Crown Mints. I eat these in abundance, sometimes up to a packet per day. And I have tried to stop, but the cravings for these little nasties is very strong.There are many reasons why I started to eat these in the beginning, ranging from the mint actually did give temporary relief from heartburn (which is a chronic problem for me that I take medication for twice per day), to the enjoyment factor, to the freshens your breath reason. But its now out of control.

So time for a reality check. Ok, according to the label, per 100g there are 1680 kj (300g for a packet), which consists of carbohydrate 98g, sodium 11mg, fat 0.1g. Thats 401 calories BUT TIMES THAT BY 3 - 1203 CALORIES.

Oh my, no wonder my dietary changes over preseason have done nothing to influence my weight.

Now I mentioned that this is an addiction - a craving that once it enters your mind you can think of nothing else. So its not a case of "hey just dont buy them anymore". And buying a packet & splitting them up into smaller bags, err, done that - didnt work either. And I dont respond well to the' if you eat this you will be punished" theme also.

I know that this is linked to my poor self esteem and my internal tape of "I am not worthy, I am not worth it" which runs in my head. This is a huge thing to break as when you grow up in a family where girls are "worthless" (and no my background is english - not indian or arab), then you have an abusive marriage (which I am now out of - but 10 years on still mentally struggling at times) - hum maybe I need to go back to the shrink LOL.

So fellow readers, any suggestions to tackle this addiction would be appreciated. And maybe you could use this oppertunity to be honest about your own demons. I promise I wont judge.

And for those looking for a kj to calories link, I have posted one below.

http://www.unitconversion.org/energy/kilojoules-to-calories-nutritional-conversion.html


Deborah

Hello OCD - my old friend

I'm not a natural planner, I'm the fly by the seat of my pants kinda girl. But becoming a wife, mother, daughter, aunty, nurse, educator, school councillor, and number one animal feeder around the farm, I have had to sucumb to the dreaded calendar.

Its like asking a crystal ball - "oh spirit, what am I doing on Friday 17th?", which the calendar answers "no you dont have time to meet up with the girls as you are working from 7am till 3.30pm then you are a taxi for your eldest son, then you have to do fund raising for your youngest son's school, then .......... arghhhhhhh

And Michelle wants me to organise AND diarise.....................

I am gonna need a tim tam...........................................



 But as my other half reminds me of the 6 "P" rule (Prior Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance), it is a nessecary torture that I must endure to achive my weight loss and fitness goals.

So I have taken to my calendar like a 3 year old who has been left unattended with brightly coloured texta's.

Yes - I too can wear my underpants on the outside.





Environmental Cleanup

Now in a previous post I stated that I hate housework....... But I lurve a good cull. And when the task of having a kitchen cleanup came up, I immediately thought...... AWESOME. Perfect timing as we are also about to start house renovations. In fact I recently did the pantry not long ago. I rarely have lollies in the house, and as its a 30km round trip to the supermarket I keep a good supply of tinned tomatoes, beans, etc. The vegie patches, although not producing a huge range in winter, are still producing the odd brocoli, turnip and silverbeet, the chooks provide the fresh eggs - and there is home produced lamb in the freezer. And home made goats cheese will be back on the menu in a few weeks when my Sanaan goat finally kids.

Now I am happy to not have sugary cereal in the cupboard (cause I dont eat it anyway), but the problem is I dont live alone. There are three other people living in this house who do like to have nutragrain for breakfast, and one of these is a 6 year old with a very strong will. And when you are trying to get to work for 7am, you dont have time to do the breakfast battles and butt heads to see who is the boss.

When I started this 12wbt, my partner said that he would support me - and now its time to prove it. Now I dont expect him to never have heart attack in a box food, but not here, and not when he is with me. Same with the kids. Yes its going to be a gradual change for them (going cold turkey for a 6 years old with ASD would be bad for my mental health never mind his), but a change it will be. I dont want to look at my kids in a few years time and know that I contributed to their diagnosis of diabeties, heart disease, etc. I dont want them fence sitting in life because they are too unfit to grab it by the goolies and jump in 100%.
But I am a realist and it cant be all Miss goodie two shoes. There is the subject of alcohol (remember nearest pub is a 30km round trip away). Now I have an understanding with Dan Murphy's, and quite frankly going completely dry is like going on a diet - bound to fail. But I dont drink every night and when I do its usually only a glass with dinner. And I have found a lovely low carb champers when you just have to celebrate.

Now just have to find the perfect kitchen "gadget" LOL

The elegance of honesty needs no adornment.



No point in trying to sugar coat things - and as embarrasing as it is, here goes.......................

My Measurements - as of 11th August 2012:

Weight - 78.1kg 

Bust - 107cm

Waist - 94cm

Hip - 106cm

Thigh - 59cm

Arm - 35.5cm 

 I am so disgusted.

Making the boring, mundane bearable



Housework.................... yeap I hate it with passion. Its such a waste of my time, and I am sure I was put on this earth to accomplish more than having a gleaming toilet. And as I am the female in a house full of boys, well even in this age I still find myself fighting the old stereo-types of the woman "keeps" the home (except this didnt happen during my divorce settlement I might add). Sigh.

And to add to the frustration, you do it, and low and behold you have to do it again, and again, and again.

Oh and I know that I am the smartest member of my household as I am the ONLY ONE who can replace a toilet roll when it has finished...........................


But what is the consequences if I choose to ignore it like the rest of my clan. It means having to live in something that resembles the other half's man cave (yuk). It means no clean underwear, no smell of fresh sheets on the bed, and dont even think about that relaxing soak in the bath with the glass of champers. So I do it, begrudgingly, but I do it. Because the not doing it result is worse than the pain and stress of doing it. That's the payoff. And I normally give myself a little treat at the end of it as a sign of a job well done for fighting through the laundry basket and not having a vomit in my mouth.

So if I can fight through my housework aversion, then surely I can make healthy food choices and exercise as part of my everyday routine. Right!!!

Now I am someone who responses well to the carrot on the stick scenario, so having a little treat for when I accomplish weight loss goals seems like a good idea. So here is my list:
Starting weight 78.5kg - goal weight 65kg (difference 13.5kg = 13 treats)

1. Gym/Training equipment (as required for "gear up task")  - 77kg
2. Detox Therapy - 76kg
3. Facial - 75kg
4. Pedicure / Manicure - 74kg
5. Girls night out - 73kg
6. Lymphatic drainage massage - 72kg (Helps with plataeu)
7. Signature perfume -71kg
8. New hair style and make-up lesson- 70kg
9. Weekend away - 69kg
10. Removal of spider veins - 68kg
11. Tan application and waxing - 67kg
12. New wardrobe - 66kg
13. Proffesional Photos - 65kg

Armed..........................and ready????

Ok, I have my flashy new asics runners (must remember to bury that purchase figure from the other half), some wrist weights, and the heart rate monitor has been ordered and is on its way. Not to mention the gym clothes, (and sports bra to keep the ladies from getting sea sick), the water bottle (non plastic type), the diet reciepe books, scales that can tell you your fat %, new songs downloaded onto the IPhone, the arm band thingy for the IPhone........................... huh

Yes I have lost weight - but only from my wallet at the moment. But its an investment - right???

There comes a time in one's life when you have to consider the real cost of not living a healthier lifestyle. Western diets high in animal products and processed foods (read sugar, sugar, sugar....) are killing us. I personally am at a higher risk of Type II diabeties (especially since I had gestational diabeties with both of my pregnancies), cardiovascular disease (those xanthomas in my eyes are a dead give away of a high triglyceride level), and the extra weight aggrevates a chronic back injury which sends me running to the pain killers. You dont want to know the side effects of these.

Not to mention the efect on my mental health - I am 44 years old and I feel like twice that. Well actually the real age tests says I am 49.3 years old, still way too confronting. I just dont have the energy to live my life to the full (yes I know Michelle - an excuse, its going on my list LOL). Then there is my kids, god love um, they are like little sponges, they watch and absorb my bad eating / living habits and I have no doubt that they are heading to make the same poor choices as I do because that's what they have learned - from ME.

So when you think of what it is actually costing me and my family on a physical and emotional level, a few $$ is easy to find.

But I suppose the biggest expense is running power to the shed so I can finally use my treadmil again in my little gym area I have set up. Will write that one off as home reno's.

Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.

Goal setting. Arghhhh - the thought of of "those" lists of "things to do" come back to haunt me. They are a testimony of my failures, my inability to complete set tasks, and a viscous reminder of had I had done said tasks, then how much better my life would be know.

I now hate this types of lists, and so does my anxiety level.

But as confucius states " Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance", and as this is a journey of personal change, it is only fair that knowledge has to be extended (and lack of it acknowledged), and used above my current comfort zone level in order to be successfull.

And to throw in another quote from the musical The King and I (lurve this movie), "If you dont have a dream, if your dont have a dream, how you going to make a dream come true" (or something like that).

So here they are:

1 Month Goals (8.9.2012)

1. To loose 4 kilos of weight (weight target 74.5kg)
2. To be able to run 2km without stopping
    

3 Month Goals (8.11.2012)

1. To run the Ballarat fun run 21.10.2012 - 6km event
2. To lose 12kilos of weight (weight target of 66.5kg)

 

12 Month Goals (8.8.2013)

To get to and maintain goal target weight (65kg)

Excuses, Excuses......

Every vice has its excuse ready. ~Publilius Syrus

Whoa - Pre season has begun for the 12wbt program. And Michelle has asked to list the excuses that I use in order to stau surrounded by my "fat"  And I fear that this is going to be a LONG list........

Ok - the well used favourites:

• I'm too busy
• I'm too tired
• I dont have the energy
• I have to go to work
• I dont have the time
• I dont have the money
• It's too cold/hot/wet

The internal excuses (in my head):

• Why bother
• I'm not good enough
• I am not worth it
• I cant be bothered
• I am too old

And the less common ones"

• I live too far from town to go to the gym
• My son has ASD so I need to focus on him
• I have a chronic back injury
• I dont have a babysitter
• My partner wont support me
• The house is too small to set up a gym

I suppose I live my life surrounded by excuses and reasons why I cant "do"

Anything to avoid having to put effort into positive steps - much easier to stay locked in the " safe" negative.

But there is a change a coming.....................